The Next Right Decision

Get clarity. Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed. Don’t be defeated by mistakes. Learn from them. – Oprah

My family and I have been working very hard organizing a Family Reunion 5K event.  This is our second year.  Last year we had 29 family members participate and it really only took us 3 month to organize it.  From buying Hanes t-shirts and ironing the logo to it and making our own goody bags with health information in it.  It was such a success that when discussed regarding doing something else for this year’s reunion, everyone wanted to do the 5K again.

So, me being me, I wanted to take it to the next level.  We decided to charge $10.00 for all participants and donate the money to an organization that helps the homeless in Puerto Rico.  We started working on this event 6 months ahead and the last month really tested what I’m really made of.

I think it’s always easier when you work on a project yourself, because you can do it exactly how you in-vision it.  But this time around I really needed help to make this a successful event. So I recruited a few of my cousins and sisters to help.  Thank god I had them to help me because there was no way I could have done this by myself.

I was also, being tested during this process running this event.  Like little things, being too bossy, to the economy being bad and maybe $10.00 would be too much to charge.  I question myself through it all.  “Was I making the right decision”?   Even my faith in God was being tested.  For whatever reason every time something was not going right one of my cousin Zulema would say to me “you need to have faith in God”.  That word FAITH kept coming up again and again and again.  I believed that Zulema was put there to remind me that I can’t control everything and that I needed to put my trust in something higher than me.  Last minute things started happening that were positive.  And what we couldn’t control we said we will deal with it when the time comes.

The day before the event, I had a what is called a nervous breakdown.  I kept saying to myself “what am I getting myself into” , “Do I have what it takes to make this successful”, “will I be judged and criticized “, “I don’t know if I can do this again”.  And on top of it all I had to say a speech in front of everyone.   I had to put things in perspective and say to myself.  “This is not about you Eva”. “This is about helping your family and also helping a wonderful cause”.

So, what helped me? A week before the event I received an email from my mother in law about a book that she though I would like.  First I did not tell her about my fears regarding organizing this event, but learning from Julia Cameron about synchronicity I knew that this book came to me at the right time when I needed it the most.  The book is called My Year with Eleanor: A Memoir by Noelle Hancock.  It was about conquering your fears. I finished the book the day before the event.  One of Noelle’s fear’s was public speaking and she signed up to do a stand up comedy at a comedy club.  The day of the show she went through all the fears regarding what if she freeze up on the stage or what if no one laughs.  Well it turned out that she could do this, and was actually very funny.

This is one of my biggest fears also, talking to a big group of people.  I have no problem talking if it’s one on one, I love to talk.  But talking to a group of people even if it’s my own family members, it was terrifying.   The night before, I wrote what I wanted to say, and after finishing My Year with Eleanor I was prying that my situation would  happen like Noelle.  That I would be nervous, but once up there it would just flow from me and I would be amazing.

Do you want to know what happened? I was awful!  I started OK but when I was talking about the charity and had the lady of the organization there with me, I forgot what I wanted to say.  I was shaking and the words would not come out of my mouth, I even forgot how to say homeless in Spanish (if you need to know it’s deambulante).  I had to close my eyes to focus myself.  Thank god the lady took the microphone and started talking about the charity herself.  After she spoke I took the microphone back and kept going on, with thank you’s and crowning the queen of the event.  I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself.  You have to understand that I’m married to a person that goes around the country doing public speaking.  You would think, after 15 years that it would have rubbed on me.  Once up there I realized that it didn’t rub on me at all! LOL.

Eleanor Roosevelt says:

“About the only value the story of my life may have is to show that one can, even without any particular gifts, overcome obstacles that seem insurmountable if one is willing to face the fact that they must be overcome; that, in spite of timidity and fear, in spite of lack of special talents, one can find a way to life widely and fully.”

Even though I found out that I don’t have public speaking talent.  The most important thing was that I put myself out there and was able to conquer one of my own fears.  I was able to prove to my girls that nothing is impossible.  So, now I can say that I did it, that at least I tried.  Was it great? No.  Did I get judged? No.  Was it that awful? No.  Would I do it again? YES.

So, going through this process with the 4 chicks and a muse, did help me in many ways.  Julia Cameron say that their will always be that negative voice, but it’s really up to you if you are going to listen to it or not.

I took the leap of faith and it was a success.  I enjoyed and was inspired in helping a wonderful cause. We were able to raise $700.00 for the Albergue el Paraiso.  Doubled our family participation.  And, even if this event changed only one person to better themselves physically and mentally.  Than I made the right decision.