MaryBeth – Orlando, Florida

This Chick Story comes straight from the heart. It addresses the opportunity to create despite and amid times of painful change. As MaryBeth reminds us, any creative action forward is better than “Kybosh”!

Did you ever notice how creativity sometimes (more than not) comes from some kind of adversity? Maybe it’s the human penchant for curiosities, or maybe it’s just me. The most popular TV shows are ‘reality shows’. We slow down and watch accidents on the roads. And if you look at music lyrics, some of the most popular songs for an artist are written at the worst or lowest points of their lives.

I am no exception. It seems that I have loads to say when things don’t go right for me, or when I’m at my busiest. It’s then that I always seem to have the time and inclination to write it all down, every swirly thought in my head. It pours like water down a mountain. Pulling and pushing other things along while forming indelible creases in the ‘face’ of my spirit and along the trails of my soul. You’d think when things are ‘good’, or at least not full of turmoil, it’d be a peaceful place to be in, and to create from, but I typically don’t have much going through my head to keep the swirl going I guess. Sounds vapid I know, but it’s like a storm needs to churn up the water to get things moving. It’s funny, I use lots of water imagery in my thoughts but I was afraid of the water as a kid! So I’m trying to re-focus and come at my creative process from a place of peace and contentment rather than angst, yet it doesn’t seem to be the wellspring I was hoping for!

So I journal, and that helps to get it all out. I can extract some interesting thoughts later like, “I write when I’m angry, I clean when I’m nervous, I craft/create when I’m happy. It’s like my spiritual mood ring”.

In all of this I find my outlets and paths that constantly change. My focus for the last few years has been directing theatre, or even facilitating opportunities for others to excel or contribute their talents in new places with my introduction, (I’m an artistic Yenta!), while writing and crafting have been secondary, and acting had been kept at a far away last place. This is where the phrase “_____ is my middle name” comes in for me.

Unlike my siblings, I wasn’t given a middle name at my adoption. I remember once my mom saying “…you don’t need one, I don’t have one…”. So much for explanations! Well, not having one officially, it changes, and lately mine is Kybosh, because it’s become ingrained into my vernacular as surely as my name! Kybosh is actually a word (it may be used more in Yiddish, to my Irish/Slovak Catholic upbringing it’s not common, but I tend to glean and retain lots!) meaning: to put a stop to, halt, to prevent from continuing.

Not that I’m self deprecating or crying out for sympathy, I just tend to face the realities of my life as a pessimist in attempt to not get hurt when things out of my control change my path in life.

In my 42 years it’s been a long climb to independence as a person in an earthly sense, so I still need to work my moves emotionally as well. As I try to make plans and do some creative work, it always seems that’s when kybosh happens. While waiting for ‘what’s next’, pretty much everything is changed. It seems my directing aspect is going to be taking the backseat forcibly, and my writing and acting sides are moving back to the forefront right now. A short story from a vague idea a friend asked me to expand and write about is actually being pitched to animate! From that, other related stories are stepping into my head. Along with that, several auditions have come up and no matter what else is going on for me, since I was old enough to talk and walk, I was singing and dancing and acting like other people, so there is nothing like being on stage or in a show!

Having made the cut for one part, I’m very happy to be acting again, and the excitement of these possibilities has been giving me some positive aim as I once again seem to be perpetually changing my “middle name” to something…anything is better than kybosh!